Category: Personal Writing

February Check-In || Depth Year 2020 Update

February Check-In || Depth Year 2020 Update

I can’t believe it’s already March…

This is a super long, but super rambly, depth year 2020 update. You can either read about it, download the transcript, or watch the video!

I make every attempt to be inclusive and accessible to everyone. If you would prefer to download a PDF copy of this transcript, click here.

Body Issues

I don’t really have a big update on the spiritual side of things besides the fact that I am incorporating more meditation. I’m getting better at that, I swear. I was doing yoga, really just intuitive yoga. I wasn’t following any sort of videos or yoga flows. However, I am having some body issues and – I guess I can talk about that. So, for the last several years, I have had an issue with my upper back. Now, in I think 2016, I was in a car accident. I was rear-ended and went to the ER and they didn’t do any diagnostics. Nothing. They say, oh you’re fine like, you were just rear-ended. No big deal, right? Okay, whatever. Well, fast forward to 2018 and it was just getting unbearable. And I went to the doctor. They took x-rays and all of my x-rays came back normal. No broken bones, nothing of the sort.

So, after going to physical therapy in Nevada it got progressively better. But it was always there. Fast forward several years later and it just is getting to be too much. I went and spoke with my current doctor in December 2019 and she sent me back to physical therapy – which I figured would happen. The physical therapist at my evaluation told me I would benefit from more physical therapy, even though I have been doing the stretches and exercise from my first round of physical therapy in 2018. However…my insurance decided to deny me physical therapy visits. I waited for a few months and saw my doctor again in February and told her that something has to give. I’m 28 years old and this is not okay. So, she sent me to see a chiropractor which, surprisingly, insurance covers the evaluation.

I saw the chiropractor for my evaluation and he got all of my history, etc. And then, he took x-rays. So, the x-rays that he took…he took at least I want to say 10 to 15 x-ray images. He took an x-ray of my neck, and as soon as he took the x-ray he said, oh I found a problem. And I’m like, what’s wrong with my neck? I looked at the x-ray myself, and my neck curvature is backward. And so, he told me your neck curves the wrong way. And I’m like, what do you mean my neck curves the wrong way? Are you sure? So, I said, let me see the x-ray!

And so, it makes sense that I would be having all of these upper back issues because, with my neck curving the opposite direction, that essentially is pulling and irritating and inflaming all of the muscles that are connected in that area of my body. And I don’t know how it can be fixed with chiropractic care. There is something that they do there, I don’t know. I haven’t gone back for another visit because I have to wait for insurance to approve my visits. So, I don’t know what I’m going to do if insurance denies me because this sucks.

Relearning Old Hobbies

So, in other news…I am relearning how to play the flute! I played the flute when I was in jr. high so I was like, 11, 12, 13 years old. I did not play the flute in high school because I didn’t want to be part of marching band. And then I played the flute again in college. So, I have not played the flute in about 10 years. But it’s always been something that I love to do, so I got a flute. And basically, my whole idea of spending less money in my depth year went out the window. Because the flute…I mean, I’m not going to lie. The flute was cheap. It’s a used version and it was donated to the instrument repair shop and the nice man there basically said, you know, this was donated to us so if you want it, you can pay for the adjustment and the repadding and you can have it. It’s yours. So, I only paid like $160 for it, which is still a lot of money than what I normally spend. But I love it so much. I love it so much! Now, if only my back would cooperate so that I could actually play it for long periods of time like I want to.


And in other news, we are moving. Now, this is a really big thing for us because, if you’re not in the United States, you won’t know this. But we are moving from one side of the country to the other. We are currently in Oregon and we are moving to Florida in June. We are moving. It is final. We have put the deposit down for the movers and we’re leaving. There’s a couple of reasons. A lot of them have to do with the fact that, while snow is beautiful to look at, we all hate it. It’s a bitch to drive in. We just don’t like it. We don’t enjoy it, and the cold weather is not good for my mom. So, we have family in Florida – my sister lives in Florida, and we’re moving in June. Across the country! So, we’re all pretty stressed out and anxious about that. And it’s not just me, my boyfriend, and my daughter. It is all of us. All five of us, my parents included. We are moving to Florida. Thousands of miles away from where we currently are. It’s going to take us like…four days to drive there.


o Rebekah AKA Soulvaluntaria:
o Depth Year 2020?

Winter Solstice Morning Reflections 2019

Winter Solstice Morning Reflections 2019

Part of my witchcraft and practice, in general, involves the every day – the mundane. I put a lot of love into my cooking, baking, and even in my coffee. I am responsible for the meals in my home for all five of us – my parents included. This was part of an agreement that I made with my parents when I decided to quit my day job and stay home to pursue what I really love. Since I do all the cooking, it gives me an opportunity to put a bit of love, energy, or healing into my cooking regularly for everyone to partake in. Solstice cookies are no different.

Tension – and the Realization that Comes With it

I never realized how much tension I hold in my body until I meditated this morning. I’ve been having issues with my shoulders and neck causing me pain and stiffness – probably because of sitting behind a computer screen most of the day.

I’ve been trying to add a regular meditation routine to my day since I’m no longer working a typical 9-5. This morning, I specifically focused on letting gravity do its work on my muscles, and it was a real eye-opener. It took about five minutes for my muscles to even begin to relax, and that was just the start.

Once gravity started doing its work, and I focused on my breathing, I realized why my body has been holding so much tension. Besides the fact that everything is so chaotic in the world right now, and that affects me spiritually, but there’s a pain in my back that I hadn’t felt before. The muscle tension appears to have been protecting me from the pain, but I need to let it go. I don’t have a physiological reason for this pain other than the computer work, but it made me realize something else.

I need to do more to take care of this body that I’ve been given. Sitting behind a computer screen with no physical activity is not good for the body or the spirit, so that’s what I’m going to do.

Be the Change

We but mirror the world. All the tendencies present in the outer world are to be found in the world of our body. If we could change ourselves, the tendencies in the world would also change. As a man changes his own nature, so does the attitude of the world change towards him. This is the divine mystery supreme. A wonderful thing it is and the source of our happiness. We need not wait to see what others do.

Month at a Glance: July 2019

Month at a Glance: July 2019

The Wild Unknown Tarot Deck

What better way to kick off Independence Day than with a Month at a Glance reading? Here’s mine for the month, and I thought I’d share it all with you.

July is a month of possibilities and creativity. With all four cards pulled being Wands, my creativity and inspiration are at the front. However, I need to pull together at get things done in the real world and quit letting everything reside in my mind.

The theme for the month of July is represented by the 7 of Wands. It stands tall and courageous, alone and lit standing in the crowd. I need to watch out for moments this month where my courage will be tested and a lack of support will feel apparent. This serves as a reminder to always stand up for myself, my beliefs, and my creations.

Past influences affecting July for me are represented by the 6 of Wands, a beautiful blue butterfly flying to be free. My newfound creativity, inspiration, and ambition from the past months will help to catapult me forward this month and continue the change on the path to where I want to go.

Roadblocks for this month are represented by the 8 of Wands. With this card, lightning strikes swiftly, lashing out at the creativity and inspiration represented by the wands gathered in a circle. Change is going to happen, whether I like it or not, and I need to go with the flow and not let the change hinder me. It is a part of life, and though resisting it might seem like a good idea, it never ends well.

Lastly, the possibilities of the month are represented by the 4 of Wands. This card shows me that as long as I keep pushing forward and remember the advice that I’ve been given, celebration is possible. Success in what I love is possible. I just need to remember my roots, my change, and my ambitions.

Overall it seems like July is going to be a very promising month!

Want to get your Month at a Glance for July? I’m offering July readings up until July 7th through my shop. Any purchase made after July 7th will be for August.

Click here to get your own reading!

Self Hatred is Poisoning Us All

Self Hatred is Poisoning Us All

Find the peace in your heart.

Self love and self confidence is a long and often hard road full of shadow work, fear, and stress. The unknown is a scary thing, and in today’s world we are bombarded with words and imagery that make us question our self love. We are taught to hate ourselves, because hate is fuel for the fire of capitalism. If we didn’t hate our bodies, cosmetic surgery wouldn’t be necessary. If we didn’t hate our waist size then diet fads, waist trainers, diet pills, and all those other products that are sold to us to make us love ourselves wouldn’t be necessary.

I don’t believe that you have to learn to love yourself before you can love others. In fact, it could quite possibly be the other way around. I love my boyfriend with every fiber of my heart and soul. I love my child the same. And my friends and other family. But I still struggle with self love on a daily basis. I constantly find myself thinking that I need to be thinner, have longer hair, be softer spoken, be fragile and meak. Because these are the images that we are fed every single day.

So how do we fight that? How can we fight the nagging, meanness, and intrusiveness of our self hatred and self loathing? If we can easily love other people, why is it so hard to love ourselves? I think it all boils down to two things: human nature and our capitalist society.

It’s human nature to want to fit in with the crowd. It was a survival strategy from centuries ago when it was necessary to be like everyone else or risk being shunned, kicked out of the herd, and dying on our own. The same thing happens now. Teens, young children, and even adults have been conditioned to follow the crowd. That it’s detrimental to our survival to stand out from the crowd and be different.

It also has a lot to do with our capitalist society. The images and words we are fed are picked up by the “in” crowd, whomever that may be, and distributed to the world through any influence possible. These things are then seen as what is normal and expected of the “herd” and we feel obligated to follow the crowd.

It can be a hard habit to break if it’s the way you’ve been living your entire life, and at this point it might be something you do on a subconscious level. The first step to breaking this cycle of self hatred is understanding why you believe the things you do about yourself. Is it a legitimate feeling? Or is it something you feel because society has told you that’s how you should feel? Your shadow harbors those answers, and shadow work plays a part in the process of unraveling these ideas.

Take me for example. I have always struggled with my weight and body image, ever since I was in 7th grade. For my non-US readers, that’s about 12 years old. I remember coming back from summer and being told by a classmate, that I still remember her name, “Wow Megan, you got fat”. This has stuck with me since then, and that was 15 years ago!

I’ve done fad diets, taken diet pills, fasted, spent 3+ hours in the gym at a time. And for what? I was still unhappy because I was being fed the images of thin beautiful women that I never even had a chance to look like because let’s face it, even they don’t look like their pictures.

It wasn’t until I worked on myself recently and switched my mindset from beauty standards to my own health and happiness that I was able to let go of those societal pressures. And guess what? I’m still a work in progress, and that’s ok!

So next time you have those negative thoughts, imagine that instead you were saying those things to the person you love most in the world. Would you say those things to them? No? So then why would you say it to yourself? Practice that, and begin your journey out of self hatred and into self love.

Theme: Overlay by Kaira
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